Should I get married?

Should I Get Married? A Sovereignty Perspective

The question of marriage is deeply personal, yet it echoes with societal expectations and historical baggage. As we strive for sovereignty – control over our lives, resources, and futures – this question demands a sharp, discerning lens. Marriage, when approached consciously and strategically, can be a powerful engine for collective advancement. But entering into it blindly can be a devastating blow to your individual and communal sovereignty.

Sister, marriage is not a fairytale. It’s a contract, a commitment, and a crucible where individual growth meets shared destiny. This isn’t about romantic idealism; it’s about building a secure foundation for yourselves, your families, and ultimately, our people.

Marriage as a Tool for Sovereignty

Think about the historical context. During periods of enslavement and oppression, Black families were deliberately torn apart. Marriage was denied, family structures were undermined, and our lineage was disrupted. Reclaiming the right to define and build our families is an act of resistance. It’s an assertion of our sovereignty.

Marriage, at its core, is about resource pooling. Two individuals, ideally with complementary skills and aligned visions, come together to create something greater than the sum of their parts. This can manifest in numerous ways:

• Financial Sovereignty: Combining incomes, sharing expenses, and building wealth together amplifies your economic power. This allows for greater investment in community initiatives, entrepreneurial ventures, and overall financial security.
• Skill Sharing and Collaboration: One partner might be skilled in business, while the other excels in creative arts. Leveraging these diverse skills strengthens your collective capacity to navigate challenges and seize opportunities.
• Emotional and Spiritual Support: A healthy marriage provides a safe space for vulnerability, growth, and unwavering support. This allows each partner to thrive and contribute to the world from a place of strength.
• Legacy Building: Marriage creates a lineage, a foundation upon which future generations can build. Consciously raising children with strong values and a commitment to self-determination strengthens the collective future.

Consider the example of Marcus and Amy Garvey. Their partnership was instrumental in the success of the Universal Negro Improvement Association (UNIA). Amy’s organizational skills and editorial contributions were crucial to disseminating Garvey’s message and building a global movement for Black liberation. Their marriage wasn’t just about personal happiness; it was a strategic alliance for the upliftment of an entire race.

Navigating the Corrupted Institution

The institution of marriage, particularly within the legal framework, has been twisted and weaponized throughout history. It has been used to control women, limit economic opportunities, and reinforce oppressive power structures. We must be aware of these potential pitfalls and navigate them with intention.

• Pre-nuptial Agreements: These are not just for the wealthy. They are essential tools for protecting your individual assets and ensuring a fair division of property in the event of a dissolution. Think of it as a strategic safeguard, not a sign of distrust.
• Legal Awareness: Understand the laws in your jurisdiction regarding marriage, divorce, and property rights. Seek legal counsel to ensure your rights are protected.
• Spiritual and Cultural Considerations: Legal marriage is not the only valid form of commitment. Explore alternative models that align with your spiritual and cultural values. Consider traditional African marriage practices that emphasize community involvement and collective responsibility.
• Redefining Roles: Reject societal expectations about gender roles and power dynamics within marriage. Create a partnership based on mutual respect, equality, and shared decision-making.

Actionable Steps Towards a Sovereign Marriage

Before you even consider walking down the aisle, ask yourself these critical questions:

1. Shared Values and Vision: Does this person share my core values? Are we aligned on our vision for the future? Do we have a shared understanding of what it means to be Black and sovereign in this world?
2. Financial Compatibility: Are we on the same page about money management, debt, and financial goals? Have we had open and honest conversations about our financial situations?
3. Communication and Conflict Resolution: Can we communicate effectively, even when we disagree? Do we have healthy strategies for resolving conflicts?
4. Individual Sovereignty: Can we maintain our individual identities and pursuits within the context of our relationship? Do we support each other’s personal growth and self-discovery?
5. Community Impact: How will our marriage contribute to the betterment of our community? Are we committed to using our resources and influence to uplift others?

Practical Steps:

• Pre-Marital Counseling: Invest in pre-marital counseling to address potential challenges and develop healthy communication skills.
• Financial Transparency: Have open and honest conversations about your finances, including income, debt, and financial goals.
• Skills Inventory: Identify your individual skills and how they can be leveraged to strengthen your collective capacity.
• Community Involvement: Engage in community service or activism together to strengthen your bond and contribute to the greater good.
• Continuous Learning: Commit to ongoing learning and growth, both individually and as a couple.

Building Together Before the Ceremony

Don’t rush into marriage based on fleeting emotions. Build a solid foundation of trust, respect, and shared purpose before making a lifelong commitment. Live together, travel together, and navigate challenges together. Observe how your partner handles stress, conflict, and adversity.

Marriage is not a destination; it’s a journey. It requires constant effort, communication, and a unwavering commitment to building a life together that is both fulfilling and empowering. When approached with intentionality and a commitment to sovereignty, marriage can be a powerful tool for creating a brighter future for ourselves, our families, and our community. But remember, Sister, your sovereignty begins with YOU. Choose wisely, build strategically, and never compromise your values.